I shall conquer this, I shall.

If I could sum up my past month or two in one word, that word would be "blerg". I have had more blerg in the past few months than I'd had in a long time. What caused this blerg? Where did it come from? And how can I get rid of it!?! For starters, I don't think that any one thing has caused the blerg, but rather a few smaller blergific things, such as moving situation changing and just being in a perpetual state of "...what now?" I feel as though I'm anticipating or dreading something, but can't seem to pin point what that something is. I'm anxious without anywhere to direct said anxiousness.

I've also had some very upsetting situations arise in the past month, such as an old friend unexpectedly dying last month. 26 years old, mother of 2, who I hadn't seen or spoken to in nearly 5 years. Growing up, she was an honorary member of my family, and was treated and loved like a sister to me and my siblings, and as a daughter to my parents. To get the news that she had died was jarring, to say the least, and it took me a few days to really have the news sink in. It just seemed so surreal; it still seems surreal. Her wake was by far the hardest thing I've had to deal with in a long time, and just seeing her family was too much to bear. Not only had I not seen them all in many years, but I also could not be glad to see them, due to circumstances. It was the worst reunion, in the worst situation.

Ok. I need to be on happier topics, to try to mellow myself out again.

Happy topics...happy topics...hmmm... OH! So, speaking of anticipating things, last week was the release of the newest WoW expansion, Wrath of the Lich King. I have to say, I'm enjoying it more than The Burning Crusade, and I've barely even touched on the quests in Northrend. I will say that Death Knight is super badass and the story line for it is is pretty amazing. I was almost brought to tears by some of the story, which I guess isn't that much of a feat considering how often I cry, but still: amazing. I'm debating making my DK my main for a bit, and then work on leveling Alukin once Cat is 80 and has time to focus on leveling Squik with me. Decisions, decisions.

Last night, I was feeling pretty meh and restless, so I decided to do some more unpacking and arranging to occupy my mind. Since Jackson fell asleep on the couch again, I focused my energies on my bedroom and unpacked some of my books. While doing this, I wanted to watch a DVD, so I picked out Pride and Prejudice... /swoon. And no, not the one that came out a few years ago with Keira Knightly. I'm talking about the 5 hour BBC mini series, with Colin Firth as the dreamboat Mr. Darcy. Mmmmm, Mr. Darcy. If I could find a real life Mr. Darcy, my life would be complete. And, speaking of Mr. Darcy, I watched Bridget Jones' Diary last weekend...and I've realized that I am more like the character Bridget Jones than I would care to admit. Her crazy, her verbal diarrhea, her horrendous love life. But, she did get her Mr. Darcy in the end. His whole speech to Bridget just makes me smile, every time I hear it:
"I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are."
/rawr
/swoon
Mr. Darcy...Mark Darcy... mmmmmmm

Although, I am 1 up on Ms. Jones. As of today, it has been 1 year since I last smoked. 1 year since I smoked my last cheat cigarette, even. One whole entire year, smoke free. I am pretty darn proud of myself for that! I need to get back into the mindset that got me to quit smoking, and perhaps life can start to make sense again. Get out of my head and back in the now and just go with the flow. I need to flow. I've hit some flow-blocks in the past few months, so it's time to get happy again. To do this, I may /shun the world for a bit, to get back into the right mindset, but even if I do /shun everyone, I promise to come back out, less crazy-crazy and more fun-crazy! That's worth some Karenless time, right? I think so!

Ok. I'm off now. Time to go and be all zen and not so blergy. Blerg = teh suck.

Laters!

^_^



Music Pick for the Day: "Handsome Man", by Robbie WIlliams
Beverage Pick for the Day: coffeeeeeeeeeee
Socks for the Day: Maroon, tan and black argyle knee highs