Sometimes I wish for falling, wish for the release...

Five whole months, and no updates. I think I've officially failed as a blogger, but I suppose there is always a chance that I will one day get back on the horse and update regularly...obviously, that day has just not come yet.

Life has been surprisingly good since I last updated. I've stayed quite busy with work (and it's finally starting to calm down. YAY!), but have found myself drinking more as a side effect. I should say here that previously, I drank about 3 times a year, so it really doesn't take much for my drinking to increase. I have had some great talks with friends while slightly-a-lot inebriated, so yay to whiskey and coke! I've also decided that I will not be finding my Mr. Wonderful™ while singing show tunes in my basement, so I've also been forcing myself to go out more to maybe meet some new people; preferably the kind with a penis and good sense of humor.
As an aside, while I do appreciate people attempting to set me up with people, I would really like it if they would be local people. Or, you know, people who are actually single. Saying "I have the perfect guy for you! But...he's not single yet." is not really what I'm looking for. *sigh*

Aside from drinking and socializing, I have found myself feeling rather...morose more than a few times in the past few months, and wish I could pinpoint the cause. The most likely culprit is that, while I've been happier lately than I've been in a loooong time, I still feel as though I'm missing out on things. Things like snuggles and cuddles, and things like accomplishing any sort of personal goal or want. I'd love to get a career doing something I'd love and helping people, or to find someone I actually want to be with, but I think I've all but given up on going after my own desires, at least until Jackson is older.
Since I've become a mom, I've pretty much put Jackson before my own life, as I think a mother should. But I think I'm going overboard and actually using him as an excuse to not go after things, rather than him actually being a cause for me to not do something. I'm sure I'll find a happy median at some point for that, but right now, the fear of actually going after something I want scares me too much! Lame? I know it.

Speaking of drinking, I've been drinking some wine tonight, listening to music and reading some poetry (more pensive than emo, I swear), and decided to share some of my favorite poems with you, my gentle readers (hehe. Too many people are re-watching Buffy, so I've had quotes swimming around my head all week. "Oh, hello there, gentle viewers!" *ahem* sorry. Tangent. Moving on...)

The Stone, by Wilfred Wilson Gibson. I first read this poem back in high school, and I cried the first time through. So heartbreaking.

The Terms in Which I Think of Reality, by Allen Ginsberg. I've been a long-time Ginsberg fan, and really could list quite a few favorites from him alone, but this is one of his under-appreciated poems, and one that I think most can relate to, at one time or another.

Song to Celia, by Benjamin Jonson. This song gets to me each time, because I associate it with my ex. Very moving.

I Loved You, by Alexander Pushkin. The link has multiple translations, but I know and love the 1st one listed. How I long to feel a love this strongly, or better yet, to have someone else feel this way towards me. And he can be Russian. Preferably Russian, actually... ^_^

I'm Nobody! Who are you?, by Emily Dickinson. I've loved this poem since I first read it as a teenager. It's ok to just be a nobody.

Variation on the Word Sleep, by Margaret Atwood. Another love poem, but not an overly lovey-dovey one. This poem just makes my heart sink and soar at the same time; such blissfulness when you think of the emotion and desire behind it, yet such melancholy when you realize it's unrequited love.

I Carry Your Heart with Me, by ee cummings. If I should ever get married, I'd want this to be my vows.

Annabel Lee, by Edgar Allan Poe. Poe is another favorite, not just for his poems, but also for his short stories. This poem is beautiful, and sad. Are you noticing a trend with most of these? I love me some tragedy. Which leads me to...

Sigh No More, by William Shakespeare. I love Shakespeare, and while I do love his tragedies, I do also enjoy the comedies. Much Ado About Nothing is one of my favorites, and this sonnet from that play is one of my favorites. I figured I'd leave the beloved sappy sonnets out of the list, since they're all well-known and pretty cliche.

Drunk as Drunk, by Pablo Neruda. Holy buckets do I love it. One of those poems that can make the bits get all tingly. ^_^

Ok. I think that's enough for now. Sorry for the lack of silly Karen this time; I promise to be less blergy next time! Toodles for now, my gentle readers (hehehe. Oh, Andrew...).

^_^

Music Pick for the Day: "Falling", by Florence and the Machine
Beverage Pick for the Day: White Zinfandel
Socks for the Day: Felix the Cat!

You might laugh, you might frown...

Heyo, you blog-readers, you! I have been gone for far too long, and the only excuses I can give you are that I've either been in a coma for 3 months, or I've just been ultra lazy and un-bloggy. Or, you know, my dog ate it...whatever "it" may be (hey, it works for homework sometimes, so why can't it be a valid excuse for an extended blog absence?).

If you guessed "I've just been ultra lazy and un-bloggy", you'd be correct!...ish. It's more that I've been slowly letting life things snowball while I ignore them, therefore being both distracted and unmotivated. And then today, most of those life things got sick of being ignored. So, I had a classic Karen freak-out today and my stress level was up here *stands on her tippy toes and stretches her hand waaaay up to give the full effect of "up here"* But then! After I talked to my sisters and my mom (heart family), and then after my brain esplodey all over my Disgby (heart Crystal), I was finally starting to relax and got all sleepy-like. So, I put on Spongebob (was missing J-man and Nickelodeon makes me feel mom-y), and took a wee bit of a snooze on the couch. After my mini napfest, I checked my Facebook and people sent me e-hugs, which are almost as good as real hugs, and it made me smile a bit. But then...oh, but then, I went to blip.fm. And what was the first song that I heard? No, not anything from The Outfield. Ready for this? Ready!?!?
Teen Witch, "Top That"!

Yeah. That was the final blow to crushing my blergs. Who knew that all I'd need was some cheesy 80's teen movie rap to make me realize that life isn't so bad? I'm a strange creature, but I'm nothing if not easily amused.
Like...really easily amused.
It's almost sad, really...

Anywho, life is more or less back to a simmer now and hopefully I can avoid having it boil over again, at least for a few months. I'm going to be busy for the next few months, and I only have one other stress-invoking thing to take care of, so until that's over, I may still be on edge...I just need to muster the courage to just do it and get it over with, and soon.

One other thing I've been blerging about lately is that I've been single for 2 years now. Two years. Two of them. And, it's sad, but the things I miss most are the snuggles and hugs. I'm a huggy person, so I get my hug fix from friends and family, but it's just not the same. But, I've whined about boys enough on here, so I won't delve into a sappy "woe is me" post. Besides, while I was stressing today, it was the first time in a while that I'd been thankful I was single; one less thing to juggle. So, yeah, spinsterhood! ^_^

Oh, I almost forgot. Pre-napfest tonight, I was watching How I Met Your Mother (The Naked Man episode...man, I love that show) and eating ice cream, and it at least made me forget the stress for 30 minutes! So, because I know you all care to know what makes me happy, here is a short list of My Favorite Things:

1.) Music! Now, most music can make me happy, but I can put on Gogol Bordello, Pulp, Stars, the Fratellis (lalalas!!!), any Greg Dulli, or Eels, and I can't help but get warm fuzzies. If all else fails, my "musicals" playlist will make me smile 9 out of 10 times (but somedays I like to wallow, and refuse the musicals medicine).
2.) Pocky. I don't quite understand the power that it has on me, but if I'm having a bad day, and someone gives me pocky, I just can't help but feel loved and happy. It's like chocolate-coated happiness from Japan and the crunchy noise that it makes when you bite it is what love sounds like. True.
3.) Haka! I'm pretty sure I've brought up the All Blacks and their Haka before, but in case I haven't, I present exhibit A:

...I'll be in my bunk. Also, would it be weird to ask my future husband to do the Haka as I walk down the aisle? It would? Dammit. ;_;
/rawr
4.) Kilts. EXHIBIT B!:

'Nuff said.
5.) Monkeys. The animal, as well as the word, are happy-makers. They're just that great. Monkeys.
6.) My J-man. I'm seeing him less now that school is out, but being a mommy is without a doubt my favorite thing in life. Oh, and [proud parent boasting] Jackson will be starting the Gifted and Talented program at school starting this fall! [/proud parent boasting] I'm SO beyond proud of that kid! Yay, Jackson!!! ^_^

Ok. That's enough for now. There are many, many, many other things that make the Karen all smiles, but I'm getting boredish and think I may go watch Weeds from tonight and then get some sleep!! So long, people of the interwebz! *muah*

^_^

Music Pick for the Day: "LDN" by Lily Allen
Beverage Pick for the Day: weird WoW Mountain Dew... very weird, indeed.
Socks for the Day: Brown, green, orange and gray striped ankle socks. Man, even my socks have the blergs today...tomorrow, knee high pink and purple stripes...how can I not have a good day in pink striped socks?!

Set phasers to random, and let the babbling begin

ZOMG! Hi. Um, so, like, I've been gone for a while 'n stuff, and, like, I don't even know what to really say...'n stuff. Or something. Ish. Anywho, I said last night that I should stop neglecting this here blog, so tonight, I am updating...but I'm not *only* updating my blog. Oh, no. In addition to updating my blog for the first time in over a month, I've also logged into WoW for the first time in as much time, and I think I nearly gave Ms. Catrena a heart attack: zhe moonkin lives! But it doesn't stop there...blogging, wowing, aaaaaaand...blipping! The trifecta of fun! Although, since I'm not just doing those three things, it's not really a trifecta...because I'm also back up for J-man in Super Mario Galaxies, chatting with random dudes (not really...just Raz ^_^), and doing laundry, all while chewing bubble gum and rubbing my belly. WHEW! Now, if this isn't a night of supreme awesome and random, I just don't even know what is. I really have no goal for this update, other than just talking 'bout off random things from my mind-mush. So let the babbling of brain-gib randomness commence!


Random thought #1: Well, not so much random, as I know where it stems from, but am I the only person who prefers to eat boxed mac & cheese reheated, as leftovers?  This doesn't apply to just any and all mac & cheese; I'm talking about the cheese-powder Kraft kind. I think it's because it has a taste that's a bit...off, much like leftovers do, and it's a quality that normal food shouldn't have. Thus, I prefer the funky taste of cheap mac & cheese when it's a day old and allowed to be a bit funky. (Did this make sense to you? Because it makes sense to me...)


Random thought #2: I kind of wish that I'd learned to play an instrument when I was younger. Well, I was a trumpet player for about 3 weeks in 5th grade, but that's about as far as it went. I wasn't bad at it, and caught on pretty quickly to the basics, but I guess I was never really encouraged to play and just lost interest. Trumpeting aside, I think that I would have liked to play the piano, or the violin, as they both seem soothing to me. And I think that's why I've been thinking about it lately, since I've been in need of things to soothe the Karen. Now I only have TV and movies to soothe my troubled head, and goodness knows I watch way too much as it is (ps. still loving my awesome TV of loveness). Oh, well. Perhaps one day I'll decide to take some piano or guitar lessons or find someone to teach me. I can offer baked goods in exchange for lessons. Tempting offer, no?


Random thought #3: Can anyone really be addicted to the internet? And if so, would it be a bad thing?  I guess the use of the internet could sway the answer, but as a whole, I think that the internet is a good thing. You can learn new things, meet new people, get in touch with old (read: from the past; not necessarily elderly) people, and find things to keep you entertained indefinitely. Although, on the flip side, you could learn fake new things, and meet creepy, fake new people or fake old (again, read: from the past...quit picking on the elderly already!) people, and you could be entertained indefinitely by really bad internet porn (like a car wreck, it is: you shouldn't really watch, yet you just can't look away). However, bad things aside, I think the good out weighs the bad. And as long as you are social-like and venture outdoors occasionally for work and such, it's a-ok to be figuratively attached to your Blackberry at the hip (and I only say figuratively, as I have not yet gotten a clip to literally attach my Blackberry to my hip)...ok, so this was more a question of being addicted to my Blackberry, but I figured more people could relate to the internet, as a whole, and not just the mobile version.


(and that segues into my next...)
Random thought #4: blip.fm is either the best or worst thing that I've happened upon on these here interwebz. It is fantastic, because it allows me to play sweet music for a bunch of random internet folk, and at the same time allows me to find new music from the same random internet folk. And some of those random folks are pretty awesome, musically and personally (as personally as I can tell from random tweets and IMs). BUT, blip.fm is also a huge time sink and you can lose hours on it, just listening to music and @ing people...ok, so that's more of a whiny reason to say it's the worst, but dammit, I needed something negative to say! Overall, I think blip is probably my favorite place on the intertubes right now, and I hope that I don't tire of it too soon. Also, this would be my #1 addiction, if only there were a mobile version available for my BB. Come on, blip! Get on my phone!


Ok. I think I've hit my quota for talking about nothing for now. I'll try to update soonish, but knowing me, "soonish" will be sometime before May...if you're lucky.

And, finally, I'll leave you with a conversation that I had with my son yesterday, as we took a walk at dusk.
J-man: What was that? ...was that a bat?
me: Maybe. Don't worry, they won't hurt you, buddy.
J-man: Some bats can hurt you.
me: Most bats won't hurt you.
J-man: Are vampire bats real?
me: Yes. But, they are just bats and don't turn into vampires or anything. 
J-man: Because vampires aren't real.
me: Right. Because vampires aren't real...not like those zombies.
J-man: *gulp*

^_^


Music Pick for the Day: "Elvis Ain't Dead" by Scouting For Girls (this song makes me swoon with its overly cheesy line "I think I need a love-lobotomy". Yeah, that makes me just all melty. /swoon)
Beverage pick for the Day: grape juice (hey, it was free and I was thirsty...and dammit, it was tasty!)
Socks for the Day: lime green and white ankle socks, with bananas and the words "cheeky monkey" all over them (and, per Jackson, they are "silly")

Can you at all times wear socks, because I’m still scared of feet...

Um...*taps the mic* Is this thing on? Hello? Wow, hey there! So sorry to have been MIA for a while again; I just can't seem to get back into a blog-groove-zone-type-thing. I'd say that I'll try to be better about updating...but you've heard it before, so I'll just say sorry... so, um, sorry! Let's hug it out. *huggles to all* Ok, well I at least feel better now. Glad we got that out of the way.

Hmm...so what has been going on in Karen world this past month? Well, a lot probably happened, but I'm not sure where to start or which things are blog-worthy, so instead of recapping, I'll just ramble for a bit about what is going on in Karen-land at the moment.

So, last week, I got a letter in the mail from Jackson's school, with a hand written envelope. I opened the envelope to find a letter inside from an administrator with the school system...the Gifted and Talented Coordinator. They sent a letter, asking me to fill out the enclosed questionnaire and permission slip (allowing them to do testing on him not within his regular curriculum). I basically started crying immediately, as I was so beyond proud of him. Being a mom, I already think that my kid is the smartest, best kid in the world, but it means so much to know that even if he doesn't make the cut for the Gifted and Talented program, that his teacher recognized something special in him and went as far as to nominate him for this. I have his regular Parent/Teacher conference tomorrow night, so I will be trying to find out more information from his teacher (and tomorrow is also J-man's 2nd day of testing for the program, so I will be doing my best to get some info out of him (even if it's just what kind of questions the lady asked him...when he met with her Thursday, all I got out of him was that she asked a lot of yes or no questions)).

Ok. Proud parent gloating is over...on to the new TV gloating! ^_^ I got my tax returns back last week, and for the past FOREVER, I've been talking about getting a new TV, but something always came up, or I'd get all rational and decide to not spend my money on something as frivolous as a TV. Well, this year, I said "fuck it...I'm getting a TV and that's final!" There was a sale at Target, and I was determined to go on Friday to get the 42" Philips for $799. Well, I went there after work with Crystal and as we were gazing at the TVs, the nice worker boy came over and asks if we need any help. "Yes", said the Karen, "I'd like this (motioning towards the TV). To go, please." And then he said "Oh, sorry. That one is sold out. Sold the last one last night, actually."

*sigh*

"Ok...", says a not-yet-defeated Karen. "How about this one (motioning towards the 40" Sony for $879)?" "Yeah, sorry", says the now irritating worker-boy. "That one's sold out, too. Let me go in back and see what we *do* have in stock." While he's gone, Crystal and I perused the remaining TVs and I said "If they have this 47" in stock, I'm getting it...I am not going home today without a TV." And guess what? THEY DIDN'T HAVE IT! I was not willing to spend more than $1200, nor was I willing to get a TV smaller than 40", so I said thank you to the boy who kept telling me no (seriously, I even get rejection from boys at TARGET?? what is wrong with me??) and we headed to Best Buy to try our luck there.

Well, we got to Best Buy, and I got the "yeah, we're sold out of that reasonably priced awesome TV that you're eyeing up...are you sure you're not willing to go lower than 40"?" for the 3 TVs that I asked about...and then I see a 40" Samsung 750 series TV of sex on display for $1200.Well, whaddya know, $1200 was my limit. And the TV was so shiny and pretty. I was torn on spending that much, but I brought someone with me for a reason. As the boy was waiting for my answer about the TV, I asked Crystal "Should I get it?" Her reply of "Um, yeah" was all I needed to push me to the edge of monetary reason and I said "I'll take it!"

And so I took it. And I love it. Much love for it. Like, lots of love. Heart teh TV. And, to go with my sexy TV, I bought a new Xbox from Mike for $100 and am borrowing a Blu-ray player from my friend Trent until I can get one of my own. He had gotten one for free when he bought his new TV last month, and has no use for it since he has a PS3. So yay, Trent! ^_^ I also borrowed The Dark Knight on Blu-ray and watched it the first night I had the TV and I needed alone time. So pretty!!! And then last night I watched The Two Towers (not on Blu-ray; just on regular DVD) and I have a newfound love for Aragorn. Heart 40" widescreen Aragorn. /rawr

Um, yeah. So parent and electronic gloating aside, I don't think that I have much going on with me right now. I've been a blip-a-holic this past month and can't really remember what life was like before blip.fm. So many great people, and great music. Heart the blippers and their blips!

OH! Speaking of music, I am going to see JoCo for the FOURTH time on the 26th! Can't wait!! Since it's on a Thursday, I'm having my niece Laurel come and stay the night so that Jackson can get to bed on time. He has school on Friday, but I don't have to go to work! I took the day off, so after I drop him off at school, I'll be taking Lolo home, and then spending the day being lazy and watching movies on my sexy TV. ^_^

As for life in general, I've been pretty well this past month. I've had some bad days where I've envisioned myself being single forever, but luckily, I'm able to push those thoughts to the back of my mind most days and focus on more important things, like my fantastically wonderful Jackson, and my never ending playlist of greatness that my iPod provides. And really, with a charged iPod and my beautiful son, I don't need much else to get me through the day.

Ok. Getting a bit mushy now...time to wrap this up! Sorry for the ultra lameness; I'll try to be better. But, if you miss me, hit me up on g-talk or Twitter! I'm basically always online; just not blogging.

^_^

Music Pick for the Day: "The Quiz" by Hello Saferide
Beverage Pick for the Day: Mountain Dew
Socks for the Day: black, white and green argyle

Please stand by...

Bars & Tones from André F. Chocron on Vimeo.

(I'll be back soonish with an update... been terribly unmotivated and meh this past week, but fear not, my good people: I shall return!)

^_^