Monday, November 23, 2009

Sometimes I wish for falling, wish for the release...

Five whole months, and no updates. I think I've officially failed as a blogger, but I suppose there is always a chance that I will one day get back on the horse and update regularly...obviously, that day has just not come yet.

Life has been surprisingly good since I last updated. I've stayed quite busy with work (and it's finally starting to calm down. YAY!), but have found myself drinking more as a side effect. I should say here that previously, I drank about 3 times a year, so it really doesn't take much for my drinking to increase. I have had some great talks with friends while slightly-a-lot inebriated, so yay to whiskey and coke! I've also decided that I will not be finding my Mr. Wonderful™ while singing show tunes in my basement, so I've also been forcing myself to go out more to maybe meet some new people; preferably the kind with a penis and good sense of humor.
As an aside, while I do appreciate people attempting to set me up with people, I would really like it if they would be local people. Or, you know, people who are actually single. Saying "I have the perfect guy for you! But...he's not single yet." is not really what I'm looking for. *sigh*

Aside from drinking and socializing, I have found myself feeling rather...morose more than a few times in the past few months, and wish I could pinpoint the cause. The most likely culprit is that, while I've been happier lately than I've been in a loooong time, I still feel as though I'm missing out on things. Things like snuggles and cuddles, and things like accomplishing any sort of personal goal or want. I'd love to get a career doing something I'd love and helping people, or to find someone I actually want to be with, but I think I've all but given up on going after my own desires, at least until Jackson is older.
Since I've become a mom, I've pretty much put Jackson before my own life, as I think a mother should. But I think I'm going overboard and actually using him as an excuse to not go after things, rather than him actually being a cause for me to not do something. I'm sure I'll find a happy median at some point for that, but right now, the fear of actually going after something I want scares me too much! Lame? I know it.

Speaking of drinking, I've been drinking some wine tonight, listening to music and reading some poetry (more pensive than emo, I swear), and decided to share some of my favorite poems with you, my gentle readers (hehe. Too many people are re-watching Buffy, so I've had quotes swimming around my head all week. "Oh, hello there, gentle viewers!" *ahem* sorry. Tangent. Moving on...)

The Stone, by Wilfred Wilson Gibson. I first read this poem back in high school, and I cried the first time through. So heartbreaking.

The Terms in Which I Think of Reality, by Allen Ginsberg. I've been a long-time Ginsberg fan, and really could list quite a few favorites from him alone, but this is one of his under-appreciated poems, and one that I think most can relate to, at one time or another.

Song to Celia, by Benjamin Jonson. This song gets to me each time, because I associate it with my ex. Very moving.

I Loved You, by Alexander Pushkin. The link has multiple translations, but I know and love the 1st one listed. How I long to feel a love this strongly, or better yet, to have someone else feel this way towards me. And he can be Russian. Preferably Russian, actually... ^_^

I'm Nobody! Who are you?, by Emily Dickinson. I've loved this poem since I first read it as a teenager. It's ok to just be a nobody.

Variation on the Word Sleep, by Margaret Atwood. Another love poem, but not an overly lovey-dovey one. This poem just makes my heart sink and soar at the same time; such blissfulness when you think of the emotion and desire behind it, yet such melancholy when you realize it's unrequited love.

I Carry Your Heart with Me, by ee cummings. If I should ever get married, I'd want this to be my vows.

Annabel Lee, by Edgar Allan Poe. Poe is another favorite, not just for his poems, but also for his short stories. This poem is beautiful, and sad. Are you noticing a trend with most of these? I love me some tragedy. Which leads me to...

Sigh No More, by William Shakespeare. I love Shakespeare, and while I do love his tragedies, I do also enjoy the comedies. Much Ado About Nothing is one of my favorites, and this sonnet from that play is one of my favorites. I figured I'd leave the beloved sappy sonnets out of the list, since they're all well-known and pretty cliche.

Drunk as Drunk, by Pablo Neruda. Holy buckets do I love it. One of those poems that can make the bits get all tingly. ^_^

Ok. I think that's enough for now. Sorry for the lack of silly Karen this time; I promise to be less blergy next time! Toodles for now, my gentle readers (hehehe. Oh, Andrew...).


Music Pick for the Day: "Falling", by Florence and the Machine
Beverage Pick for the Day: White Zinfandel
Socks for the Day: Felix the Cat!